mid life???

I’m not even at my 30s, but mid life crisis seems to hit on me. I’ve been wondering what I really want in life after studying for so many years. I like my current job; it allows me to learn a lot of things which I suppose other firms would not provide me given my limited years of experience. I’m grateful in this case. However, seeing colleagues leaving does raise a question mark in my heart. What is wrong here that make people leave? Within 2 months of my time here, I’ve already seen 3 people leaving and the 4th is on her way. Is it low pay, huge work load? I’m not sure. I’m easily contended.

Though compare to my peers, I’m generally underpaid, however, it doesn’t bother me much since this is what I’ve chosen. If money is the main factor, I suppose I would have gone back teaching long ago. However, I do miss the happy times I had during my teaching years. The times I had ‘interacting’ with students (screaming at the top of my voice at them), sharing sessions with my peers, especially the impromptu ones at the canteen etc. Times flies real fast those days.

Office job is kind of monotonous and boring. I could easily sit on my chair for 5 hours without speaking to a single soul. However, the satisfaction comes when you complete your task on time and of course, recognition from the bosses. This is something I hardly see in Singapore. Oriental people are less generous with compliments. Still remember my days in London when my boss always saying words like “well done”, “good stuff” etc, even for the most simple thing you do. I’m generally shy with compliments; however, it does make one feel appreciated.

离别曲

我以为我已经习惯离别，事实上离别永远无法习惯。

长期分隔两地已习以为常，可是这一次，我却一蹶不振，做任何事情都提不起劲，也没有什么能引起我的兴趣。

这个周末已经没有任何令我期待的人，感觉好失落。以往种种的期待，温暖的拥抱，甜蜜的话语，安抚了我这一个星期的疲惫，方佛一个星期的等待是值得的，而今必须等上两个月。天啊！我要怎么过！

什么叫度日如年，现在才真正地领教道。也不晓得从前是怎么度过那九个月。或许当你习惯了有人疼惜，有人关怀，突然又要暂时失去，心里还真不是滋味。

是自己感性，还是根本不想理性地去面对离别？心病还需心药医。无论如何解决方法只有一个：积极去面对，从新编排自己的生活，让自己过得充实，在不会有多余的时间胡思乱想。

长篇大论之后常觉得自己好像再说道理给自己听，可是道理大家都会，是否去做，就不得而知。

unpredictable life? 生命无常？

Two different lives, two different experiences. One went past half a century and now enters into new stage of fighting to continue her life; one said goodbye before it even sees the world. All happen within a week, it feels as though god is tapping on my shoulder, trying to tell me something, but what is it?

Both lives hit me. Hard to find words to discuss the sadness, the fear, the uneasiness. It just seems life is so vunerable, beyond man’s control. It’s no longer what we like, what we want, it’s how life has path itself and we can only follow. How weak is mankind. Can't we do anything?

生命如此无常，叫人有时真不知所措。两个生命，两种遭遇。一个还未有机会看世界，就首先说再见、一个过了大半个世纪，现在又要进入与病魔搏斗日子。同一个星期内发生，不知这是不是上天在轻拍我的肩膀，像是要告诉我些什么。纳闷、迷惑、彷徨、无助。不论是名流富商，还是市井之徒，一样逃不开命运的排布。

More precious than any treasure

No words can describe my feeling when I see my boys and girls all grown up. It’s like seeing my own kids becoming young adults. Though I’ve left the unit for nearly 2 years, it seems like just yesterday. The excitement and tiredness on their face reminds me of the time I had when I was still part of the unit. seeing the blur face of the sec 1, the specialists who were still amateur leaders when I left and my CLTs who are much more mature now, really warmed my heart.

Watching the video done by Xing Ying really touches my heart. I can still remember the time when I first became part of this unit. My very first even was the farewell party for the part D cadets. Those were the time when the juniors and I had no idea how to go about doing and the part D themselves have to plan their own farewell. At that time, the unit had only 6 part D cadets and had just managed to get out of the crisis of closing down, and now the unit has grown to nearly 100 cadets.

I really hope the cadets will treasure every moment they spent during their years of training in NCC Air. These are the moments no money can buy. The hardship they’ve overcome, the friendship they’ve made, the bonding they’ve built are things that not everyone will get. At least when I was of their age, I did not have such. Seeing them develop somewhat filled the missing piece in my life.

I really thank them for giving me such good memories, one that I would treasure and share with my loved ones.

再坚强也需要拥抱

原本应是两个人的世界，却因生活而需分隔两地。偶尔想要一个拥抱，却得不到。是感性还是理性。

虽然已习惯一个人生活，可是孤单的夜里仍渴望一个温暖的怀抱，一个心灵上的慰籍，可惜却得不到。这种失落感令人厌恶，令人无助。只有赶紧上床睡觉，期待明天的到来。

蓦然回首，好像觉得渐渐地失去了些什么，不再完整。

重执教鞭

友人的博客勾起了觅心不少的回忆，差点就忘了从前教学的快乐时光。什么时候，觅心厌倦教学的生活？从来没有，觅心始终对教学抱有一股热忱，然而是什么原因迟迟不愿归队。仔细想想是自己安于现状，讨厌改变。

回想从前教学生涯，喜怒哀乐比比皆是，日子也因此过得特别快。看着一批批莘莘学子离开学校，无论是踏入社会、或是继续升学，自己都有一种莫名的满足感，好像是看着自己的儿女一样。那种快乐和喜悦是觅心在现在的工作领域无法找到的。当然，无可否认的是现在的工作也有教学无法体会的经验与挑战。就再给自己一些时间去寻找属于自己的一片天。

倒立看世界

偶然间看到这篇短文：
有一个小男孩在心情不好时，就喜欢靠着墙倒立。他说：“正着看这些人、这些事，我会心烦，所以我倒立着看世界。忽然之间，我觉得所有人和事物变得好笑了，这时我就会好过一点。 觅心想起了《流星花园》里的花泽类。类伤心时也喜欢倒立，这样眼泪才不会掉下来。听起来有点傻，可是却很实在。 伤心时，最难的就是不掉泪。强忍着泪水就有如有东西哽塞着喉咙。放声大哭虽然有失仪态（尤其是女生），可是大哭一场后，心情舒畅，有时连原先令自己伤心的事物也忘却了。 少年烦恼总是特别多。夜深人静时，心里却格外寂寞，有时莫名的悲伤涌上心头。常喜欢躺在宿舍的床上，把两只脚伸到窗外，傻傻地看着天花板。有时大哭一场，然后笑自己的无聊。
成年后，少年时的烦恼是少了，取而代之的是现实生活中的种种问题。有时，甚至没时间去思考，每日浑浑噩噩地生活着。有那么惨吗？其实也没有。只是长大后好像少了很多幻想空间，有时想做些荒唐事，却有碍于自己的年龄。“都那么大了，怎么还像小孩子一样。”这是常听到的话，多希望不长大，永远保佑孩童的天真稚气。
这时，或许倒立的世界是最有幻想的空间。