这是我吗?

回国有一个月了。虽然离开才短短的一年多，对周围的某些事物却觉得有些陌生，尤其人情世故，有很多感触。

好无聊 - Bored

It's kind of bored today since my files have yet to come in and there's no reporting to be done. On top of that, I ran out of boxes for archiving, so bascially I have nothing to do today. Was trying to change the theme of my blog, but after searching for 15 minutes, nothing seems to please me.
I'm aching all over now from the exercising, but yet I feel great. Going to gym consecutively for 3 days can be quite tiring, but I enjoy the after feeling. Wet and sweaty, a good shower should do wonders again.
Have been on eating mood for the past 2 weeks. Snacking is one of my agenda at work and I always regret after eating. It really turns me off to see the number on the weighing machine rising. Luckily, the exercise helps to burn off the extra food. Must really stop the habit of snacking.
Just realise a personal trainer started a blog to discuss about health and exercising. I always wonder what's wrong with my exercising method. I always feel neck ache after doing crunches. Despite exercising, I do put on weight too. Must take some time to read up. Exercise regularly is very important. Once I stop exercising for a while, I tend to lose my stamina and become rather latagic. To build up again is quite tough. Anyway, I guess once I go back to Sg, exercising shouldn't be a problem. Jogging at the stadium or park is quite convenient, unlike in London.

Snowdonia

上山的过程，除了克服疲劳，努力往上爬，多数的人脑海里都在想些什么呢？下山时，人们脑海里又在想什么呢？
昨天上山的路非常平坦，天气也非常的好。除了偶尔的陡峭，并没有极度艰难的路程。看着老老少少，一家大小，往山上爬或是从山上走下来，我不禁想这些人在上山和下山时想些什么？
我一步一步地往山上爬 去，不时欣赏周围的人和景色。
在这些崇山峻岭面前，人就变得十分渺小。生活中的一些不愉快也似乎变得无所谓。想想这高山峻岭在我们存在前就已经屹立在哪儿。几千几万年来，见证了无数人的脚印，也见证了世界的变化，她却依然故我的站在哪儿，并没有因为任何人而改变。然而，聪明的人类，却常常为了一些微小的事物，互相残杀。如果这些山谷能说话，一定会觉得人类很可笑吧？
再看看周围和我一样努力往上爬的人。有些低着头，专心地一步一步往前走，有些则脚步轻盈，挺着胸、抬着头，和朋友有说有笑的，似乎周围的一切都停止。他不再乎周围的人是走在他的前头，还是落后，也不再乎天色是否渐渐变暗，只是怡然自得地走着。
突然，有个少年从上山跑下来。陡峭的山坡，使他跑了几步，脚步就失去控制，滚下山来，停在我们休息的地方。友人走上前看看他的情况，我则在一旁凑热闹。尽管帮不上什么忙，我们还是在哪儿待了一会儿，看到那青年坐起身后，我们才继续上山。
山顶的景色非笔墨可形容，甚至相机也无法捕捉当时的感觉。周围的空气清新，虽然吹着阵阵冷风，温度也只有摄氏10度，但这个人觉得心旷神怡，犹如置身在仙境了。周围一片迷蒙，鸟儿在空中，乘风飞翔，毫不费力，好像风把它吹倒哪儿，它就到哪儿。
壮观美丽的风景不一定要有知音人欣赏，然而也比希望有人去[破坏她的美。我不算她的知音人，然而我尽我的能力去保护她。希望其他爱惜大自然的人也能保护大自然，不要把带上山的垃圾留在山上。

sickly me... sickly london

I've never been so sick in my life... not that I'm down with some incurable disease, but this illness has been torturing me for the past 2 weeks. It's really a bad time to get sick, with the change of role, studies, and his exams around the corner. I'm really trying very hard to recover but without antibiotics and a peaceful mind, it's really tough.I'm slowly recovering after seeing the nurse and taking the antibiotics. Though slow, but there is progress. I was really worried about the side effects the sickness and all the mediciation could give me, but I'm even more upset by what he said. I could never understand how he could said such cruel words in his clear mind. I hate him, for what he said. I really think he hates me too, if not why would he say such things. The words keep ringing in my head:" if I'm sick and you are having exams, I will not stay in the house and disturb you". =(Where can i go? I've tried to follow all he'd said: don't blow my nose, drink warm water, warm honey... what else can I do? A sick person should rest, but not being at home, where can I rest. After a day of work and studies, the only place I can go is that house. If I'm in Singapore, I could go to mum's place or even my good friend's place, but we are not. We are in a foreign land where I have no such good friends I can rely on. I'm so heart broken. What have I done to deserve this? Leaving my family and friends, giving up my job and career just to get all this. Yes, he does provide me with everything I need and try to compensate by contributing more, helping me to settle down and helping me in finding a job. It seems like my life now is quite good, but somehow I always feel something is missing. I can't really say what it is, just feel a part of me is missing. Forget it... No matter what I do or say, he won't believe.Though I said I did not want to leave the house with him, but I waited for him at the train station. I don't know what was taking him so long, 3 trains left and he's still not there. I decided to leave since it might means we are not fated.I really don't know what wrong with me. Sometimes I felt better and recovering, but the next moment I feel sicker. Like now, my mucus is so so yellowish, worst than the past few days and my cough seems to get worse. I wonder am I down with some incurable disease? I don't really want to die in a foreign land ALONE.

一個人的幸福

以前總認為一個人不比兩個人來的幸福﹐如今兩個人了﹐卻又懷念一個人時的感覺。那是為什麼呢?

beginning

I started this blog in the hope to improve our communication network and give both of us a chance to voice ourselves without any burden, at the same time really hear what each of us has to say without interuption. I hope this blog is the beginning of our 'new' life and hopefully our relationship will improve.Over the past few weeks, I feel our relationship is getting worst. We can't seems to communicate our thoughts correctly. Everytime he says some things, I will feel unhappy and think that he's trying to undermine me or criticise me. And when it's my turn, he thinks I'm telling him what to do or controlling him. Alot of misunderstanding often arise and communication breaks down. I'm starting to feel distant from him and I'm sure he does feel unhappy too.With his busy schedule, he doesn't like to be bother by little things. On the other hand, being a woman, I sometimes keep asking him little things. I don't if it's me or most girls, the characteristics I have, he doesn't like and keep saying that's what typical singaporean girls are like. I don't think I'm a typical singaporean girl. Anyway, what is a typical singaporean girl like?He said always wants the best but not willing to give. I may be stingy and calculative at times, but I never said I'm not willing to give. So far, whatever he asked, I've tried my best to do it. I tried not to complain, but sometimes my little comments, he treats them as complains saying that a guy must satisfy. Should I just keep my mouth shut and do things myself? Sometimes I get confused and tired trying to figure out what to do. It doesn't seems so hard, but I just can't seems to do what he wants. It's so discouraging at times.Of course, there are times when we are happy with each other's company, but that's only like 14% of the time we spent. 14%? how I get this? We seems to have only 1 day happy with each other - fri night and sat morning - so 1/7*100%.Okie. let's try to be positive and try other ways to improve our relationship, starting with this blog. Can?

什么是快乐？

一转眼，两个星期的假期就这样过去。我又回到工作岗位上。其实，这样的生活，我并不厌恶，或许是因为在英国少了很多压力。即使那么多天不在办公室里，回来也不觉得周围有什么异样。工作虽多，但老板并没苛刻地要求我必须马上完成。或许是时差的关系，我虽然看起来挺精神，但总是觉得怪怪的，好像行尸走肉，一点感觉也没有。
在新加坡的这两个星期，有很多感触。虽然只离开半年，但感觉周遭事物好像有很多变化。仔细想想，或许变得是自己。
那天早上，广播节目的主持人大谈我国国人快乐吗？原因是调查显示国人普遍认为自己不快乐。其实，我国人民在物质生活上算是非常足够。就拿汽车来说，路上行驶的车辆多数都是新车，国人在购买新车时决不吝啬。再来看看多数家庭的电视机，什么三十六寸彩电，已经过时。现代家庭不是plasma,就是LCD。单单一个客厅的装璜就可以高大几万元。
其实，要快乐并不难，然而许多人都无法令自己快乐。
我也不禁想自己到底快乐吗？年轻时，要快乐似乎很容易。想哭就哭，想笑就笑的日子是最快乐的。如今，我甚至怀疑自己到底还记不记得快乐的感觉是怎么样的。
我觉得自己是幸福的，但幸福的感觉和快乐的感觉又似乎不太一样。
那天见到我以前的学生，一个个都长大了。不知不觉，我曾经在学校度过将近4年的时间。看到我以前所教过的学生女的长得亭亭玉立，男的高大威猛，我才发现原来我也直奔30岁了。然而年龄的增大并不代表思维的增长，思维的增大并不代表修养的增长。总觉得自己除了变得现实，其他方面似乎没多大的长进，甚至觉得自己有点面目可憎。或许人变得现实，自然面目可憎。哈哈！是该多读些书，提升自己的文学修养从而提升自己的人品及人格。所谓：“书中自有黄金屋，书中自有颜如玉”。我既不要黄金屋，也不要颜如玉，只希望自己的语文不要走下坡，变成一个金钱奴。