mid life???

I’m not even at my 30s, but mid life crisis seems to hit on me. I’ve been wondering what I really want in life after studying for so many years. I like my current job; it allows me to learn a lot of things which I suppose other firms would not provide me given my limited years of experience. I’m grateful in this case. However, seeing colleagues leaving does raise a question mark in my heart. What is wrong here that make people leave? Within 2 months of my time here, I’ve already seen 3 people leaving and the 4th is on her way. Is it low pay, huge work load? I’m not sure. I’m easily contended.

Though compare to my peers, I’m generally underpaid, however, it doesn’t bother me much since this is what I’ve chosen. If money is the main factor, I suppose I would have gone back teaching long ago. However, I do miss the happy times I had during my teaching years. The times I had ‘interacting’ with students (screaming at the top of my voice at them), sharing sessions with my peers, especially the impromptu ones at the canteen etc. Times flies real fast those days.

Office job is kind of monotonous and boring. I could easily sit on my chair for 5 hours without speaking to a single soul. However, the satisfaction comes when you complete your task on time and of course, recognition from the bosses. This is something I hardly see in Singapore. Oriental people are less generous with compliments. Still remember my days in London when my boss always saying words like “well done”, “good stuff” etc, even for the most simple thing you do. I’m generally shy with compliments; however, it does make one feel appreciated.

离别曲

我以为我已经习惯离别，事实上离别永远无法习惯。

长期分隔两地已习以为常，可是这一次，我却一蹶不振，做任何事情都提不起劲，也没有什么能引起我的兴趣。

这个周末已经没有任何令我期待的人，感觉好失落。以往种种的期待，温暖的拥抱，甜蜜的话语，安抚了我这一个星期的疲惫，方佛一个星期的等待是值得的，而今必须等上两个月。天啊！我要怎么过！

什么叫度日如年，现在才真正地领教道。也不晓得从前是怎么度过那九个月。或许当你习惯了有人疼惜，有人关怀，突然又要暂时失去，心里还真不是滋味。

是自己感性，还是根本不想理性地去面对离别？心病还需心药医。无论如何解决方法只有一个：积极去面对，从新编排自己的生活，让自己过得充实，在不会有多余的时间胡思乱想。

长篇大论之后常觉得自己好像再说道理给自己听，可是道理大家都会，是否去做，就不得而知。

unpredictable life? 生命无常？

Two different lives, two different experiences. One went past half a century and now enters into new stage of fighting to continue her life; one said goodbye before it even sees the world. All happen within a week, it feels as though god is tapping on my shoulder, trying to tell me something, but what is it?

Both lives hit me. Hard to find words to discuss the sadness, the fear, the uneasiness. It just seems life is so vunerable, beyond man’s control. It’s no longer what we like, what we want, it’s how life has path itself and we can only follow. How weak is mankind. Can't we do anything?

生命如此无常，叫人有时真不知所措。两个生命，两种遭遇。一个还未有机会看世界，就首先说再见、一个过了大半个世纪，现在又要进入与病魔搏斗日子。同一个星期内发生，不知这是不是上天在轻拍我的肩膀，像是要告诉我些什么。纳闷、迷惑、彷徨、无助。不论是名流富商，还是市井之徒，一样逃不开命运的排布。